RWBY Animated Adventures
by A Lovestruck A2
Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures. Rated for safety.
1. Weiss Trolls Ruby

_**A/N: Because I want to keep my profile relatively easy to scroll through, I decided to combine all of my RWBY RTAA fics into one long story. Without further adieu, let's begin the RWBY Animated Adventures!**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Weiss Trolls Ruby***

 **RTAA: For Whom the Bell Trolls**

Weiss had had it.

She had had enough.

Of what, you ask? Why, nothing more than her lovable, adorable, and extremely talkative partner/teammate/waifu/leader talking her damn ear off while she was trying to study.

She enjoyed company.

As long as that company didn't try and distract her and act like an insufferable dolt during important study sessions. Port's exams were hard enough, for Oum's sake.

"And then I said, blah blah blah-" Ruby was rambling on and on about some dumb weekend party Yang snuck her out to.

Weiss finally used her last resort.

She reached under her desk, found the button, and pressed it.

 _DING DONG!_

"Oh! A visitor! I better go see who it is!" Ruby skipped away cheerfully, and Weiss let out a sigh of relief. For now, she was alone.

And then Ruby was back not even thirty seconds later with a confused expression. "Huh. There wasn't anyone there. That's weird. Anyway, like I was saying-"

 _DING DONG!_

"Maybe they're back!" Ruby vanished in a flurry of rose petals, and Weiss rolled her eyes, almost amused by the gullibility of the young redhead.

Almost.

Why almost?

Because Yang was standing in the bathroom door, shaking her head. "So, you're the one who's been messing with us for the past week. You suck, you know that?"

Weiss could only smile.

It really was too funny messing with them with a simple doorbell button.

No one ever expects the Ice Queen to be an expert at trolling.

 _ **A/N: Hope you enjoyed.**_

 _ **-DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE**_


	2. Misplaced Words

_**A/N: Here's one that earns the M rating XD plus it is one of my favorite RTAAs**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Misplaced Words***

 **RTAA: Mile's Dirty Talk Fail**

Jaune couldn't believe it.

The fruits of his labor were finally able to be savored.

For he had finally, after countless attempts of wooing, managed to successfully court Weiss Schnee and take her out on a date.

That's right; Team RWBY's resident Ice Queen finally agreed to go out with the lovable goofball of a leader.

He tried his best on their date. He paid for their meals at a local restaurant and bought her a nice piece of jewelry.

Weiss on the other hand was exactly how Jaune figured she'd act if on a date. She was very proper and ladylike, conducting herself in a manner fitting of one who grew up in one of the richest families in Remnant.

But afterwards, when they got back to Beacon, Jaune found out a little something about the Ice Queen.

She had a little naughty side.

The blonde leader had said goodnight andthanked her for the time out, and Weiss dragged him into a small storage closet, wrapped her legs around his waist, and kissed him fiercely.

Jaune let out a muffled squeak of surprise, but he kissed back, holding Weiss up to prevent her from falling.

"Say something dirty to me," Weiss winked, her hands clasped on his shoulders.

Jaune took a deep breath, having never done this before, and screwed up big time.

How?

He mixed up two words. Two crucial words that changed the entire meaning of what he meant to say. "I want to see your cock in my mouth."

Weiss's blue eyes widened, and she looked at him as though he was a weirdo. "WHAT!?"

The realization of what he said hit him like an Ursa, and he covered his mouth with one hand. "Nothing! Forget I said anything!"

Weiss rolled her eyes and kissed him again.

She was definitely going to have to teach him a few things.

 _ **A/N: XD I love this idea**_


	3. Drunk Trust

_**A/N: I'll try to do daily updates until I finish adding all of my RWBY RTAAs together. After that, I'll probably update every other day or so.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Drunk Trust***

 **RTAA: Drunk Babysitting**

Team STRQ.

The coolest team in Beacon.

So cool, they were even capable of smuggling in booze for a party.

Mainly Qrow.

Especially Qrow.

The party was private, and to celebrate Team STRQ's accomplishment of getting to the double round of the Vytal Festival Tournament.

And being the 'responsible leader, Summer decided to get her partner Qrow to buy something for the occasion.

Unfortunately, being Qrow, he just walked down to the liquor store and bought a whole bunch of alcohol, insisting that it was good for team bonding.

And he was right. In a way.

About an hour after they had all been drinking, Taiyang was done. His head was on a desk, a trashcan underneath him. He was in a horrible place.

Upon seeing his mostly unconscious teammate, Qrow barged in with a glass of Scotch in his hand and pointed to him. "WHY ISN'T THIS FUCKER DRINKING!?"

Raven was babysitting the heavily intoxicated blonde, and she rolled her eyes. "He's not feeling well, you idiot."

Qrow looked at Taiyang, scoffed, and held out his drink. "Give him mine."

"He needs to have water, Qrow," Raven sighed.

"Pfffffft...pussy," Qrow snickered.

He then proceeded to go around the dorm kicking just about everything that didn't belong to him, and it was at this point Summer decided to intervene. "Sorry, he's just really drunk..I think he kicked your computer."

"It was her desk!" Qrow objected.

Raven growled and was about to punch her brother in the head, and Taiyang lifted his head up, still in a horrible place in his intoxicated state. "R-ravennnn?"

"What is it?"

"H-hand..."

"...you want me to hold your hand?" Raven's eyebrow rose, and when Taiyang nodded, she sighed and held his hand; poor guy really couldn't hold his liquor like her brother.

"I trust you so much..." Taiyang breathed, passing out on the desk.

Raven felt her heart melt a little. Of all the people he could've chosen, he picked Raven as the one he trusted most. She took a look over to see Summer trying her best to not pass out, and figured it was best he went for the red eyed woman instead.

At least Raven was sober.

 _ **A/N: Expect these to come daily like I said until all of the others are added. Better than having them as separate fics.**_


	4. Qrow's Awkward Date

_**A/N: Not gonna bore you with a long note.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Qrow's Awkward Date***

 **RTAA: Chris's Fake Fiancee**

Qrow walked into the bar known as the Lion's Den, and he looked around in surprise.

Why was he there?

For once, it wasn't to get completely piss drunk.

He was on a date.

Taiyang had set him up with a girl from a dating site, and Qrow only went to shut him up.

Qrow saw he was early, so he took a seat at the bar.

Another girl was sitting next to him, and she stared at him with big eyes.

"Woah, is someone sitting here?" Qrow asked.

"No, you can sit here," the girl replied.

Qrow shrugged, ordered a beer, and started to wait.

After a few minutes, the girl started thumping his leg nervously, but she wasn't looking at the huntsman. And when Qrow peered over her shoulder to see what was going on, he nearly spat out his drink.

Some random old man was trying very hard to flirt with her.

Qrow took action.

"Hey, Emmy!" he chuckled, acting all buddy buddy with her. Shit plan.

The girl played along, returning with her own answer, and she whispered in fear. "Help me!"

"How do you guys know each other?" the drunk old man demanded, swaying.

Qrow uttered the first thing that came to his mind. "We're engaged."

Even shittier idea.

"Prove it," the old man demanded.

The girl put her arm around Qrow, getting touchy, and the blonde the unexpected happened.

She started rubbing his dick through his pants.

"We're engaged!" the girl insisted. Looking at Qrow's startled face, she dropped her voice to a whisper. "I have to make it believable."

Qrow was enjoying his free handjob quite nicely.

Plus it was funny seeing the old man get pissed off.

But then it got weird and awkward.

Qrow's actual date showed up.

The girl he was supposed to be with looked at the scene in confusion. "The fuck is happening?"

"This is my fiancee!" Qrow cried out.

The date left promptly, not even bothering to reply.

Talk about a shitty date.

At least he got a handjob out of it.

 _ **A/N: Now I should probably get back to work on my drunk marriage fics...**_


	5. Getting Yangry

_**A/N: Puns! Puns!**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Getting Yangry***

 **RTAA: Barbara Pun-kelman**

Yang Xiao Long.

The mama bear of Team RWBY.

Also a great puncher and biker, and a good older sister.

Except for one massive problem.

Her puns.

They could drive anyone to fits of insanity within minutes.

How bad were they?

Well...

-0-

Yang was getting her hair done with the rest of Team RWBY, treating the luscious mane, and she thought of her ultimate life goal. "I think I know what my ultimate dream is."

"What is it?" Weiss asked in exasperation.

"I want to go to the Nile River in Vacuo, stand in it, and say, 'I'm in De-Nile'," the blonde punned.

"Booooooo!" Ruby booed.

Yang kept going. "I also got a microwavable lunch the other week simply because the title was 'Bowl Appetit'."

"Oh dear Oum why..." Weiss groaned.

"Oh dear Oum why..." Weiss groaned.

"Those lasted for three days, Yang!" Blake hissed _ **.**_ "You'd just barge in and say, 'I'm 'bout to eat, Bowl Appetit!' And it's just like, 'Ugh get out. Bowl Voyage'. I can't stand it."

-0-

Sun and Neptune were at the video game store, marvelling at the new releases for the upcoming year. The blonde monkey picked up one cover in excitement. "Dude! The new Hitman game is coming out this month!"

And Yang popped up with another pun. "I hear it's going to be a 'hit', 'man'."

"That's not even a pun!"

 _ **A/N: I can feel the hate XD**_


	6. Paranoid Old Man

_**A/N: Time for Drunkle Qrow!**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Paranoid Old Man***

 **RTAA: Signs and Shotguns**

Qrow Branwen.

The self proclaimed 'Uncle of the Year'.

Also the biggest alcoholic in anime at the moment.

He was happy to see that Taiyang had moved on from Raven and was spending time with Summer.

He did warn him that Raven was bad news.

Qrow was lying in bed, a very curvaceous and pale woman in bed with him, and he was about to drift off to sleep when he realized something.

Something bad.

He left his scythe at Taiyang's house. _'Ah shit.'_

Qrow leapt up to his feet, throwing a pair of pants on, and rushing out the door. He transformed in a hurry, flying as fast as he could.

He was afraid that Yang would find his giant weapon and think it was a toy.

Qrow wasn't letting that happen.

No fucking way. Fuckious Nopious.

He landed in front of Taiyang's house, and with one hit, kicked the door down. "WAKE UP BITCHES!"

Taiyang and Summer stumbled out of their room, rubbing their eyes tiredly. "What...? Qrow, it's three in the morning."

"Where's my scythe?"

"Over there."

Qrow grabbed it, tossed it through the window, and flew out with a caw.

Can't we just appreciate that he was so paranoid about someone else's kid?

 _ **A/N: Next!**_


	7. So Close, Yet So Far

_**A/N: Time for Mad King Port XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***So Close, Yet So Far***

 **RTAA: The One In The Hole**

Team RWBY quietly crept into Professor Port's classroom, the four girls wearing stealthy versions of their normal outfits.

Why were they sneaking into Port's class?

Why, to release the monstrosity contained in the floor known only as Edgar, a small cow.

"There he is," Ruby whispered, breaking out her giant death scythe of ridiculous proportions.

Blake pulled out Gambol Shroud, and quietly broke the glass covering the cow. She pointed over to Weiss to do her part, and the Ice Queen used her glyphs to fly Edgar out of the window, gleeful smile on their faces. "Go, go, go...you're free! You're free!"

-0-

Port let out a bellowing laugh as he strode in to his class, his large mustache quivering in delight. "Miss Xiao Long is victorious! Congratulations to you, Milkmaid!"

The blonde ignored the comment; it war going to be so fun seeing his face when he realized Edgar was gone.

Port walked over the hole, waving. "Hello Edgar."

"How is Edgar doing?" Weiss asked with a smirk.

"He's fine," Port answered smoothly. He gestured down below, and by some twisted sort of fate, the hole was once again occupied by Edgar.

He was back by his master.

Weiss, Ruby, Blake stared in heartbroken disbelief, eyes watering, and Yang growled as Port's laughter filled her ears. "You son of a bitch, Port. That's bullshit! That's no way that's actually Edgar! You bastard!"

Port continued laughing as the girls sank to their knees in despair, and Team JNPR saw the spectacle, Nora with a happy gleam in her eyes. "You saw he was gone and silently repaired it?"

Port nodded, smirking. "Quite right. I went and led a cow back in."

"Wait, is that even Edgar!?" Yang demanded. When Port shrugged, she rolled her eyes. "So you just have a random ass cow."

And that's when Port let them hear words that shook them to their very core. "You don't understand, child. Edgar is the one in the hole."

Truly a disturbing person...

Remnant was fuuuuuuuuucked!

 _ **A/N: Next up, more puns**_


	8. Getting Yangrier

_**A/N: Time for more delicious puns XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Getting Yangrier***

 **RTAA: Barbara Pun-kelman 3**

Yang loved puns.

Like, really loved them.

It was an unhealthy obsession.

At least Dad jokes are funny sometimes.

Okay, I'm probably a little biased because I'm going to be a dad soon, but whatever.

As your intoxicated author was saying, Yang really loved puns.

And she didn't know when or where to stop.

-0-

Port guffawed and slapped Qrow on the back, beaming. "That was quite an exquisite performance! You looked quite nice with facial hair!"

Qrow chuckled, turning off the screen. "We have to find that fake beard. I forgot where it went."

Yang took the moment to intervene with a horrible pun. "It just 'disa-beard'."

"Boo!" Qrow chucked a bottle of water at her, and Port's eyebrows twitched.

-0-

Taiyang and Qrow were discussing pulp or no pulp in orange juice. Taiyang hated pulp, and Qrow loved it. #pulpforlife, Qrow Branwen -2018

Yang happened to walk by during the debate, and true to form, said another terrible pun. "Someone should write a story about this and call it 'Pulp Fiction'."

Goddammit Barbara.

 _ **A/N: Next!**_


	9. Not Technology's Friend

_**A/N: Time for good old Joel moments XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Not Technology's Friend***

 **RTAA: Joel vs Technology**

Doctor Oobleck.

Coffee addict, and renowned sprinter.

One who held the Remnant world record for the fastest mile.

Also considered a top professor of history.

But, despite all of his incredible accomplishments and feats, he had one weakness.

A pretty big one too.

He had a problem with technology.

Really.

-0-

Dr. Oobleck was sitting at his desk, grading last week's exams, and the Uninterruptable Power Supply, or UPS, started to beep.

Whenever Oobleck's UPS stsrts beeping, Ozpin and the rest of the staff know that the coffee addict is fighting technology.

Port was the first to arrive on the scene. "I'm here. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," the hyperventilating doctor replied. "I just want this to be a problem."

Oobleck sped up to Qrow's new office, stole his UPS, and started plugging random crap into it.

"Does Qrow know that you have his UPS?" Port asked.

"Yep," came the reply.

For those who don't know, on the front of the UPS is a number that shows how many minutes it can run. After Oobleck plugged random things from all over Beacon into it, the number started going down. And that made the hyperventilating doctor panic even more. "The number's going down! THE NUMBER'S GOING DOWN!"

He ran around screaming about the number, and then Qrow and Ozpin started investigating.

They checked breakers.

They tried troubleshooting.

Qrow looked down, and sighed.

Why?

Because Oobleck never plugged in his UPS. He just started plugging random crap into it!

Doctor Oobleck takes the 'U' out of UPS.

 _ **A/N: Maybe I should get back to work on my drunk marriage fics...**_


	10. Mafia Kids

_**A/N: Here's another Yang one.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Mafia Kids***

 **RTAA: Shakedowns and Breakdowns**

Yang was bouncing on the couch with excitement.

Why?

Because she finally got a movie she wanted!

What kind of kid didn't like a good movie?

It was called Totoro or something like that.

It looked like a totally cute movie with fluffy creatures.

Different from what Uncle Qrow let her watch. He had a bad habit of letting her watch movies with guns and violence and language, much to Taiyang's despair/displeasure.

He said it was a 'bad influence' on her or something.

Whatever.

Anyways, Yang really wanted to watch this movie. So naturally, the minute she saw her dad, she ran up to him with it in her hands. "Daddy! I want to watch a movie!"

Taiyang shook his head, looking apologetic. "No, sorry. We're going shopping first, and maybe if you're a good girl you can watch it when we get back."

Yang wasn't having it. She looked him straight in the eye. "Daddy, it would be really sad if you broke your nose."

"Excuse me?" Taiyang was taken back.

"I said it would really hurt if you broke your nose. It would be sad," Yang repeated.

"Are you threatening me?" Taiyang was now amazed that his daughter had the audacity to try and threaten him.

"You would have to get a new nose. And that would hurt," Yang narrowed her eyes, tiny fist cocked and ready to sock him in the face.

She just pulled a mafia-style shakedown on her own dad.

Taiyang was done with this crap.

"QROW! No more violent movies for Yang!"

Just let her watch the darn movie then...

 _ **A/N: Should probably go to sleep now...**_


	11. Parenting 101

_**A/N: Here's some great parenting skills**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Parenting 101***

 **RTAA: Expert Parent**

Taiyang was having a bad day.

He couldn't get his youngest daughter, Ruby Rose, to use the toilet like her big sister.

He tried everything.

No, really.

And he hated having to clean up poo from Ruby's clothes.

Even more than Port hated people mocking his facial hair.

So, what was the blonde puncher going to do?

He was going to call in the one person who his kids would definitely listen to.

Drunkle Qrow Birdy Branwen.

-0-

Qrow sighed as he plopped down on the couch in the living room, turning on the TV. The girls had been difficult, to say the least.

Yang ended up on fire when Tai tried to cut her hair.

Someone should've made Smores or something.

But the most difficult was none other than Ruby Rose herself.

He thought Taiyang was kidding when he said that Ruby didn't like to use the bathroom.

Qrow wished it was a joke instead.

It was a crapshow.

Literally.

But Qrow had an idea.

"Hey, Ruby!"

"Yes Uncle Qwow?"

"You like bears, right?" Qrow asked.

Ruby nodded yes.

"Well, bears eat poop, and live in the toilet," Qrow explained. "So by not going to the bathroom, you're starving the poor bears."

"Oh my Oum! I'll go from now on! I can't hurt the bears!" Ruby sped into the bathroom, and Qrow folded his arms behind his head.

"Hehe... it's easy being a parent. I don't get what the fuss is about."

 _ **A/N: So gonna do this to my kids LMAO**_


	12. Bets and Bro-mance

_**A/N: Drunk Jaune strikes again**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Bets and Bro-mance***

 **RTAA: Bets and Flirts**

Jaune Arc had a serious problem.

He had a habit of making really dumb bets with people.

Like the time he bet Nora a stack of pancakes that she couldn' go a day without booping Ren.

Or when he bet Yang she couldn't listen to the Achieve Men for a week.

One would think he would've learned by now to stop making such dumb bets with his friends. But the lovable goofball of a blonde knight remained adamant that one day, he'll win one of his bets, and the loser would do his bidding.

So he went up to Sun Wukong, a bottle of barbeque sauce in hand, and smacked it down in front of him. "I bet you 500 lien that you can't drink this entire bottle of barbeque sauce!"

Sun looked at him and shrugged his shoulders, unscrewing the top. "Okay."

Jaune watched nervously, and the blonde monkey took a small sip, smirking. "You're screwed!"

Sun drank the entire damn bottle in thirty seconds.

-0-

 _Later..._

Ren was dancing at a party Yang threw, impressing many other participants with his sick moves.

He suddenly felt an arm around his shoulder. Turning around, he expected it to be Nora. She was attracted to him, after all.

It was Jaune. He was drunk.

And if there was another thing he was bad at, it was holding his liquor.

"Ren," Jaune hazily grinned. "I'm not attracted to dudes, but if I had a boner for you, it's really trying right now."

Ren wasn't sure whether to be flattered or wierded out, but he did know one thing.

He was _so_ using this for blackmail material later.

 _ **A/N: Probably will put up another today to make up for yesterday's lack of update**_


	13. Good Samaritans

_**A/N: Drunkeness seems to be a reoccurring theme here...**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Good Samaritans***

 **RTAA: Drunk in the City**

Summer, Qrow, Raven and Taiyang were the coolest people in Beacon.

So cool, they were allowed to sneak out until 4 in the morning drinking at a bar.

Seriously.

How they hadn't gotten caught by Ozpin was a miracle.

It's not like they were discreet about it.

Qrow liked to even drink halfway through Port's class, for Oum's sake.

Anyway...

They were coming back to Beacon after their long drinking night, and they saw a man who was in the bar with them.

He wore a camo outfit.

And he was piss drunk.

Even drunker than Qrow.

Is that possible in the world of RWBY yet? I can't be bothered to check to see if anyone apart from that drunken birdman gets wasted in the show.

But that's what we have the Drunken Marriage fics for, right guys?

Ahem.

Like the intoxicated author was saying, Team STRQ spotted this poor drunk outside.

He stumbled, and fell face first into the sewer.

That prompted Taiyang and Raven to start laughing at him.

Assholes.

What?

I'm drunk, okay?

Qrow and Summer frowned at their teammates' rudeness, and decided to help.

Qrow put his arm out, and waved down a taxi.

The taxi driver took one look at the drunk on the ground and sighed. "Where do you need to go?"

"Do you know how to get to 34th Street?" the drunk asked.

The taxi driver took off, leaving him behind.

And that's when Summer took charge.

She put her arm out, and a fucking limo rolled up.

"Take him to 34th Street," she requested.

"Put him in the back," the driver replied.

Qrow and Summer helped the drunk into the car, and their teammates lept laughing.

"Now he's in a limo!?" Taiyang cried. "What's next, is a fucking airship going to pick him up?"

Nah...

He probably had his organs sold on the internet.

Or maybe he woke up the next morning and had only one question.

"Was I in a limo?"

 _ **A/N: I need to get some sleep now lol**_


	14. Work Stress

_**A/N: Daily update here we come.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Work Stress***

 **RTAA: Weird Dreams and Shitty Jobs**

Qrow woke up with a gasp, looking around for his scythe.

He had a dream about being in a meeting with Ozpin, Glynda, Ironwood, and the Ice Queen.

It was going well, apart from the fact that Ozpin wasn't talking during the whole meeting and it was really stressing Qrow out.

When the meeting was over, Ozpin revealed why he wasn't talking. _"Oh, I wasn't talking because I had to fart really bad."_

Ozpin farted through the ceiling of the tower and that's when Qrow woke up. "What the fuck was that about!?"

He rolled over and went back to sleep, and a second dream came to him.

He was working at an office, and the department had laid off so many people that he stole their cubicles and made a fucking fortress around his desk.

It was christened as Fort Bird.

Whenever someone came to his desk, he holographicly projected his head like a goddamn wizard. " _Who dares to approach the mighty and powerful Qrow Branwen?"_

Qrow woke up again. "What the fuck?"

He glanced over at Summer to his right and Tai to his left, shrugged, and opened up a beer.

"What the fuck do I think about when I'm asleep?"

 ** _A/N: Anyone have a good suggestion for these? XD Miles dressing up as the Joker for sex seems funny to do_**


	15. A Ride to Forget

_**A/N: Yang gets punished for her shitty puns!**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***A Ride to Forget***

 **RTAA: Geoff's Vespa Crash**

Yang Xiao Long.

The self proclaimed best biker in Vale.

She was good, no doubt about it.

Come on, haven't you seen how she weaves in an out of traffic like a kid playing Grand Theft Remnant?

Well, she wasn't always dripping with 'le skillz'.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

See, she had an embarrassing secret that she tried very hard to forget.

She once crashed a little Vespa scooter when she was fourteen.

It was supposed to be a routine delivery. Just drop off some home-baked cookies to a bakery and be done with it. Nice and simple.

Well, Yang forgot the turn ratio on Vespas was much different from normal motorcycles.

On the way home, speeding down the street, she failed to realize that.

She hit the curb, and tumbled face first into the grass. She sat up, spitting up dirt and grass, wincing.

She really hoped no one saw that.

And someone did.

Who?

Her drunkle Qrow.

Qrow walked over to her, shaking his head and looking at the ruined Vespa. "Nice air, kid."

Yang hung her head in embarrassment.

He was never going to let her hear the end of it.

 _ **A/N: XD**_


	16. Shitty Home Improvement

**_A/N: Sorry for the late update. Forgot about this to be honest._**

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Shitty Home Improvement***

 **RTAA: Gavin's AC Anomaly**

Ren was confused.

Why?

Because his good friend Jaune had another problem with his house.

"So, when are you buying a third house?" Ren asked. "Because you've had issues with this one too, right?"

Jaune tilted his head to the side, brow furrowed. "There's nothing wrong with this one."

"I thought you had issues with your air conditioner or something, or your heater was out?" Ren pressed.

Jaune nodded, remembering. "Oh yeah, it broke."

Ren tried to ignore the snickering of both Sun and Yang, and he leaned over to grab him by the shoulders. "That would be a problem, Jaune!"

"I forgot it broke?" the bumbling blonde tried. Ren facepalmed, but let him continue on explaining. "Okay, it didn't actually break. It tripped some sort of safety thing, and since everything nowadays is super safe, it turned everything electronic off. So, a guy came to fix it."

"Go on," Ren and Sun encouraged.

"Well," Jaune sheepishly smiled. "He didn't have any experience with the newer AC units. So he removed this panel on the front and took it."

"Wait, he took it?" Sun asked, eyes wide.

Jaune nodded. "Yeah. He reset it, took the thing off, and there was an open flame in the attic."

"Oh Oum!" Ren was horrified and glad his friend was still alive.

"The next guy came after it went out, and he told me that I can't run it without that panel," Jaune continued. "There were flames everywhere. The first guy basically just stole part of my unit, and we had to call him to get it back."

Sun couldn't handle it. He burst into laughter, and he wiped his eyes. "And how long were the flames exposed?"

"...a couple days?" Jaune shrugged. "I don't know. Whenever the heat came on?"

Ren rubbed his temples, and he sighed as Yang rolled on the floor laughing. "Oh my Oum! You probably had squirrels roasting marshmallows up there!"

"You never know if you're getting someone good," Jaune answered. "He went up the ladder, had no idea what he was doing, and stole part of my house! I basically paid someone to steal it!"

"At least it isn't being put up for sale on the internet," Ren pointed out.

He made a mental note to not ever go for crappy home improvement projects. Unless he wanted someone to steal part of his AC unit.

 _ **A/N: Hope you enjoyed**_


	17. Dumb Questions

**_A/N: Sorry for the late update. Forgot about this again! (yikes! More than a month without an update!)_**

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Dumb Questions***

 **RTAA: Gavin or Google**

Apart from making stupid bets and drunkenly hitting on Ren, our lovable dorky knight Jaune had another big problem.

He likes to ask really stupid questions.

His Oumgle search history was filled with stupid questions.

One day, Yang, Qrow and Taiyang wanted to see how bad they were.

Qrow started off. "Alright, we gave the phrase 'Can you break...?' and Jaune or Oumgle wanted to know 'Can you break your neck if you really wanted to?', and Jaune or Oumgle wanted to know 'Can you break your lungs if you only breathe in?'. Who said what?"

"Neck is Oumgle, Lungs is Jaune," Yang replied with her hand in the air.

"You are correct. Firecracker."

"Wait, how can you break your lungs?" Yang asked in confusion.

"Well, when you breathe in," Jaune explained, "You pull out your ribcage right? And that just sucks air into your lungs. So if someone grabbed your ribcage and just yanked on it, air would fly in and explode your lungs."

Taiyang facepalmed. "That's not you breathing in too much. That's some motherfucker yanking on your ribs! That's like if someone got shot in the head, it's not the air that killed you, it's the guy who shot you in the head!"

"Doctor, what do you think happened to this patient?" Yang roleplayed, clutching her sides in laughter.

"He has air on the brain," Qrow snickered back, looking at the next question. "Alright, the next question involves babies. The question was, 'Do babies...?'. Jaune or Oumgle wanted to know, 'Do babies poop in the womb?' and Jaune or Oumgle wanted to know 'Do babies float?'."

"Assuming that the 'do babies float' is Oumgle, that makes me really worried about the health of our babies in the world," Taiyang chuckled. "It's like, 'Huh, I got this new baby. I wonder if it's gonna float?'."

"Hey, maybe people could be trying to work out a really weird physics homework problem," Yang laughed. "But I'll go and say Jaune asked that one."

Qrow looked at the sheet, shaking with laughter. "Turns out that Jaune wanted to know do babies float."

"The fuck is wrong with you!?" Yang demanded.

"Well I heard of babies being born in water, and I thought that was pretty cool," Jaune defended. "But then I wondered what happened next."

"They got a guy on the edge with a pool skimmer," Qrow laughed. "Don't worry, I do this all the time!"

Jaune really asked dumb questions at times...

 _ **A/N: Hope you enjoyed XD**_

 _ **Discord: DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE #5371**_


	18. Bad Kitty!

**_A/N: Back on schedule, and with more free time to write. I'll try and update this twice a week._**

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Bad Kitty!***

 **RTAA: Joel Meets a Panther**

Dr. Oobleck had quite a resume when it came to getting into possibly dangerous situations.

He drove a tank.

Fired a sniper rifle.

Accidentally threw a grenade at a wall five feet in front of him.

Befriended a giant military-grade killing machine and named it Freckles.

But this one encounter was more harrowing than the rest.

Why?

Because this time, it wasn't a product of being deprived of coffee for five days straight or spending the night drinking with Port and Edgar.

No, this time, it was because he met a panther.

Yes, an actual panther. Not Kali Bellabooty. Pretty sure that's racial profiling.

The good doctor was given an entire pamphlet of what not to do once the big angry black furball was on set.

Don't tease it.

For the love of Oum, do not carry meat in your pockets.

And most importantly, stay in a group. If you get separated from the group, the panther will think that you're the weak one and it'll go after you and make you its steak dinner for the night.

Oobleck was waiting for the panther to arrive when he suddenly had to take a piss. "Ah...crap."

Not wanting to piss his pants, he ran into the bathroom and took his pee like a responsible adult. However, when he came out, there was a huge fucking problem. In front of him was the panther, and on the other side was the group.

As soon as he opened the door, the panther turned, looked at him, and stuck its tongue out at him. "Rawr."

The trainer was making some weird hand gestures, and Oobleck nervously closed the door. "Good kitty..."

Closing the door seemed to only make it more playful. And sure enough, it walked up to the doctor and started sniffing him.

That seemed to get the trainer's attention. "Sheeva! Sheeva no!"

Oobleck let out a sigh of relief as it walked away.

"Next time...Port can deal with this shit."

 _ **A/N: XD hope you enjoyed**_

 _ **Discord: DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE #5371**_


	19. Bad Date

**_A/N: This one is one of my favorite RTAAs. Makes me laugh no matter how many times I watch it XD._**

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Bad Date***

 **RTAA: Joel Goes Skydiving***

Dr. Oobleck of the prestigious Beacon Academy had another problem apart from his encounters with panthers and pumas.

He also had a habit of going on weird and awkward dates.

Like today, for instance.

He was on a date with a girl (set up by Qrow).

She was nice.

She was cute.

And she laughed and said, "Let's go skydiving!"

What could possibly go wrong with that?

Well...everything.

Literally fucking everything.

Before they could go and do the insanity of jumping out of a perfectly normal plane, they had to sit in a fucking eight hour class, where everyone who decided to play with their mortality had what an airplane was drilled into their fucking skull.

After the class that killed brain cells, they finally went on the fucking plane.

The first thing the good doctor wondered when they were up in the air was, "Why would you open the door on a plane? That makes no fucking sense."

Then people started jumping out.

"Where did those people go?"

Then it was his turn to shuffle towards the door. "Why am I shuffling towards the door?"

"Three! Two! One!" the man who was instructing the class yelled out before shoving the poor doctor out of the plane.

While he was falling, he noticed something.

It was really fucking windy.

He wondered what would happen if he opened his mouth.

So he did.

Eventually, after falling for awhile, he pulled the chord.

But he forgot something.

He went from 140 miles an hour to about only five in the span of a second.

And all that velocity went straight to his crotch.

Definitely not a good date once he landed.

Especially since he wasn't getting any with his dick hurting.

 _ **A/N: Hope you enjoyed XD**_

 ** _Discord: DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE #5371_**


	20. Losing Sanity

_**A/N: Whelp, it's been far too long since this got updated (over two months, yikes!). But, here it is.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Losing Sanity***

 **RTAA: The Pubert Situation**

Team STRQ was playing a game of Remnantcraft together. It was like any other game night.

Except tonight would be the night everyone remembered.

The night Qrow lost his shit.

"Hey, did you get those Netflix achievements?" Taiyang asked, punching a tree to get a block of wood.

"I got a few," Raven answered, trying to make some iron ingots for a lava bucket.

"Wait, what? There are really achievements for that?" Qrow asked, looking over at the two.

"Yeah." Summer nodded.

"For just watching videos and shit," Taiyang added.

Qrow looked at them, his sanity starting to crumble away. "What kind of fucking achievement is that? A fungus could get that achievement. Like, a fucking mushroom could achieve that."

Summer started to snicker, along with Taiyang.

"Kinda got weird with that argument, brother." Raven was trying not to laugh herself.

"Why is that weird?" Qrow asked.

Raven grabbed him and scowled before she yelled for the entire school to hear. "BECAUSE A FUNGUS ACTUALLY CAN'T GET THE ACHIEVEMENT! IT DOES NOT HAVE THE FUCKING CAPABILITY TO PUSH THE BUTTONS ON THE CONTROLLER!"

"You could drop a controller into a box of mushrooms, and it would probably hit enough on the way down to get an achievement!" Qrow argued back. Summer and Taiyang rolled on the floor laughing now.

"You'd have to fucking plug the Xbox in, turn it on, get a fucking internet connection, PAY for the internet connection!" Raven was losing it too. "That's a lot of shit for a fungus to do!"

"You do that for everyone else here, anyway!" Qrow growled.

"But you're not doing it, I'm doing it for you!"

"Also, none of us are fungus," Summer added, managing to get out a sentence.

"I know we're not fucking fungus!" Qrow yelled.

Qrow really was losing his fucking mind.

 _ **A/N: Had to XD. Next one should be when Gavin and Burnie are yelling about construction. See you!**_

 _ **Discord: DPL #5371**_


	21. Vale Construction

_**A/N: Well, here's the one RTAA I've really been excited about doing: Burnie and Gavin arguing about Austin construction XD. For this, I decided for it to be Taiyang and Qrow. Mainly because Qrow is hella trolly.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Vale Construction***

 **RTAA: Construction Conspiracy**

Taiyang was very angry after he came back from work at Signal. Qrow had asked why, and the blond teacher let out a sigh, slumping down in his Vale apartment with Qrow on the couch across from him.

This was going to be a long explanation.

"Here's why I'm angry,' Taiyang started off. "I live in a part of town, in Vale, that is right by a road that has been under construction for about two decades."

"Yes." Qrow nodded.

"How long has MoPac been under construction?"Taiyang asked rhetorically. "It's non-stop! Orange and white barriers are everywhere in the town, and I just don't see them in other places. I'm sure they exist, but they're everywhere in Vale; it's a constant fixture."

"To be fair, you live in Vale." Qrow smirked. "Of course you're going to make that observation."

"I also spend a lot of time in Mistral," Taiyang pointed out. "I never see it. I see these crews working, they go down one side of the freeway, and they tear it up and repave it. Then, they go to the other side of the freeway, they tear it up and repave it. Nothing about the freeway fucking changes."

Qrow shook his head. "You're like, 'Man, I've been living my life, and there's always stuff under construction. I hope it ends soon'. It'll never end; everything will always be under construction, forever."

"Only Vale though!" Tai groaned.

"No, everywhere. Nothing will ever be finished. That's not how the world works. No one's ever like, 'And we're done'."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"There is a fucking door in the Vale airport, and you know the door I'm talking about, the sliding doors. They boxed them off eight months ago to fix the door, and it's still boxed off to this day. And no one can answer why!" Tai's temper was starting to rise, now.

"Eight months ago?"Qrow's eyebrow rose. "That's a pretty long time."

"That door has been under construction at least eight or nine months!" Taiyang seethed. "A DOOR! It's a doorway! How many times have you been to an airport anywhere else in Remnant, where one of the main entrances just doesn't exist? Like it's boxed off, all shitty and terrible and everything?"

"It's one terminal," Qrow pointed out, taking a swig from his flask. "It's one terminal. Of course there's going to be a broken door."

"I go to other airports a lot. I don't run into construction constantly in other airports," the blond teacher said. "I run into it constantly in Vale."

"It's at every airport," Qrow sighed.

"WHERE!?" Taiyang demanded.

"You're also talking about Vale airport, the one you go through the most, so of course you're gonna see these problems more often than the Mistral or Atlas one."

"I'm saying I don't see it at all of them…"

"Because you don't go to Mistral every week!" Qrow groaned.

"But I see it every single time I go to Vale!" Tai countered.

"Every trip of yours starts or ends in Vale!" Qrow growled, standing up and glaring at his partner. "You can't fly anywhere without going to Vale's airport!"

"Every time I go through Vale I see it!"

"What are you even on about!?"

"Every time I go through Vale, for the past five years, it's under construction!" Taiyang yelled back, standing face to face with the drunken huntsman.

"Is it weird you never see construction at the Atlesian airport!?" Qrow snapped.

"I DON'T GO TO ATLAS!" Taiyang shouted, shaking the apartment.

"THAT'S WH YOU DON'T SEE THE CONSTRUCTION!" Qrow returned just as loudly.

"I only see it here, and never at any of the other ones I visit!"

"Unbelievable!"

"What are you talking about!?" Taiyang demanded. "I have TO GO SOMEWHERE, I DON'T FUCKING DO A LOOP AROUND THE STATE LANE BACK TO THE SAME GODDAMN AIRPORT! I GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!"

Qrow was trying not to laugh despite his friend's yelling. "Yeah, is it weird you only vacuum your floor?"

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" Taiyang was about to pull out his hair in anger. "I LANDED IN ANOTHER PLACE! AND THETE WOULD BE CONSTRUCTION IN THE OTHER PLACE! AT LEAST ONE! That's all I'm saying! And I never see it anywhere! In your analogy, I'm getting in my car and driving around my garage, and then stopping and getting out! Fucking idiot!"

Qrow was too busy howling with laughter, clutching his sides.

He never knew Taiyang would get this worked up over construction, but now that he knew, he was gonna troll him relentlessly.

 _ **A/N: Next up, another one from The Pubert Situation. See you then!**_

 _ **Discord: DPL #5371**_


	22. Summer's Right!

_**A/N: Second half of the Pubert Situation is here. Poor Raven loses her shit next.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Summer's Right!***

 **RTAA: The Pubert Situation**

After everyone had calmed down, Summer had a question about a movie they all recently watched while they continued playing their game. "Hey, what was the name of the other Addams' kid? It was like, Pubert or something?"

"No, it was Pugsley," Qrow replied.

"Yeah, you're right…" Taiyang murmured, not really listening.

"T-there was a kid called Pubert," Summer insisted.

"No there wasn't!" Raven yelled angrily.

The redhead leader frowned, scratching her head. "Well, I don't know where I'm getting that from. My brain is just mush."

"I don't know where you get anything!" Qrow scoffed.

Summer rolled her eyes at him. "Coming from the one who thinks we're fungus!"

Taiyang laughed, as did Raven. She shook her head, struggling to hold in her laughter. "We're gonna never have this conversation again, and Qrow is gonna walk in with our fifth team member. 'Meet Pubert Spore Branwen. He's a piece of fungus. He has six achievements'."

The remark was met with a loud chorus of laughter, and Raven started to build up Qrow's house. "Fucking Pubert…"

"What, it's real!" Summer protested.

"It's not real!" Raven whacked her with a pillow. "No it's not real."

"I'm gonna look it up." Summer pulled out her scroll and started to search.

"It'll be in the dictionary next to, 'Names the doctor would slap you for trying to use'." Qrow snorted.

Summer searched anyway, and she smirked and held her scroll to Raven. "Read it."

Raven took it, and a look of both shock and amusement started to form on her face. "In the second film, 'Addams Family Values', fucking Gomez and Morticia have a third child, a son they lovingly name Pubert'. Are you fucking kidding me!?"

Qrow and Taiyang fell to the ground in laughter, clutching their sides. "Holy shit, how do you know that!?"

"Pubert Addams!" Summer smiled broadly.

"What the fuck!?" Raven, in all her disbelief, fell to her death from her spot on Qrow's ridiculously large tower.

"Summer was right!"

And she wasn't going to let them forget about Pubert Addams for a long time.

 _ **A/N: Ah, Pubert Addams. One of the best RTAAs ever.**_

 _ **Next, Qrow the Destroyer!**_


	23. Qrow the Destroyer

_**A/N: Here's an update! Sorry it took so long xD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Qrow the Destroyer***

 **RTAA: Gus the Destroyer**

Qrow was staying at an awesome resort in Atlas. It was a nice place, with comfortable beds and a ton of alcohol provided by a cute barmaid.

It also had a hot tub.

It was freezing cold, in the middle of January. In all his infinite wisdom, he thought it would be really cool to go outside in the freezing cold and drink an entire bottle of vodka.

He got changed into his speedo and went into the hot tub with his bottle of vodka. Qrow drank all of it in less than thirty minutes and got really, really fucking drunk.

Qrow chuckled and hobbled out of the hot tub, stumbling around as he tried to make the short fifty foot walk.

Along the way, someone had made a snowman.

Qrow felt the pressure in his bladder grow unbearable, and he chuckled before pushing his speedo to the side. "Ah, fuck it. I need to pee."

He started to piss on the snowman.

About halfway through, the person who he assumed built it came outside, and she was incredibly upset.

"What are you doing!?" she shrieked. "I made that! I created! All you can do is stand there and destroy!"

Qrow drunkenly chuckled and yelled out for the entire resort to hear him. "I'm the destroyer!"

After he was done peeing on the poor snowman, he went back into his condo, threw up on the wall, and passed out in the bathroom.

He indeed was the Destroyer.

 _ **A/N: I really have too much fun writing Drunk Qrow. Is it me, or do half of RT's podcasts have a drunken story in them? XD**_

 _ **Discord: C. Strife #5371**_


	24. Dirty Hands

_**A/N: So, this one is one of my favorites to watch just because of Gus's reaction XD.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Dirty Hands***

 **RTAA: Gus's Bathroom Encounter**

Being the most badass team in all of Beacon meant Team STRQ went to a lot of conventions and tournaments.

Qrow was the one people wanted autographs from the most, thanks to his epic story of slaying a hundred Grimm in one night and bedding many barmaids across Remnant.

He went to use the bathroom, and someone followed him in to get something signed.

If Qrow remembered correctly, the guy's name was Mike or something like that.

The usually intoxicated huntsman was standing at the urinal, and he could tell that someone was behind him.

He looked over his shoulder, and there was someone with a sharpie and a Team STRQ poster. "Hey, can I get you to sign this, Qrow?"

"I'm, uh, kinda doing something at the moment." Qrow let out an awkward chuckle.

"I wanted to make sure I caught you," he defended.

"You know there's only one exit to this bathroom," Qrow muttered dryly. "You could've waited on the other side of the exit and caught me anyway."

"Yeah, but I really wanted you to sign this!" he said.

Qrow rolled his eyes. "Fine."

Intentionally not washing his hands, he made to sign it, and the guy freaked out. "No, wash your hands!"

Qrow narrowed his eyes, not in the mood for his bullshit. "No, asshole, you came in the bathroom. If you're waiting outside the bathroom, you get washed hands. Inside the bathroom, dirty hands."

He signed it and left the bathroom (not before washing his hands) and there was a family waiting for him. "Oh, can you sign this for me, Qrow?"

The huntsman nodded, taking the pen and glaring at the guy who followed him in. "Oh, thank you, how courteous of you to wait for me outside the FUCKING BATHROOM!"

The only way it could've been worse was if an entire family followed him.

 _ **A/N: Poor bird XD. To be fair, if someone followed me into the bathroom to sign some shit, I'd be mad too lol**_


	25. Fortress

_**A/N: Well, here we are with another great RTAA. This one has a warning for pegging. Or, attempted pegging. If you don't know the story…just watch the RTAA for it XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Fortress***

 **RTAA: Geoff Gets a Dildo in His Butt**

Team RWBY and Team JNPR were having a game night in Grand Theft Remnant V when Nora asked a question that would be the topic of conversation for years to come.

"So Jaune, what was it like getting a dildo up your butt?"

Yang and Blake burst out laughing, holding their sides, Ren face-palmed, Ruby turned redder than her cloak, and Weiss was both shocked and amused by it. "Wait, what!?"

Jaune sighed and began explaining what happened. "Well, Pyrrha and I were getting down last night. We got straight up fucked up last night."

"Well, you know, we've been dating for about ten months now," Pyrrha explained with a blush. "So, you gotta shake it up a bit. Try new things. So, we were getting a little…frisky, because we're old enough to use that word,"

"At one point, Pyrrha asked me to slap her," Jaune added, much to everyone's amusement.

"I have no memory of that!" Pyrrha denied.

"So, I slap her in the face, and she tells me, 'Harder! Don't be a baby!' So, I hit her again, and she hit me in the fucking face!" Jaune exclaimed. "She said 'Ow!' and clocked me!"

"That is not how it happened." The redhead shook her head. "I said, 'Hey, if we're doing some shit tonight, let's do some shit tonight'."

"So, she's like, 'Hey, do you wanna have anal?'" Jaune continued.

"So Jaune is all for it, but he didn't know what I meant." Pyrrha began to smirk. "There are two ways this can go."

"She told me to hang on a second, and the next thing I know, she's shoving a dildo up my butt!" Jaune shook his head. Even though it really happened, he still couldn't believe it.

"Well, I tried to. But his butt is like a fortress," Pyrrha complained. Yang and Nora continued their cackling, rolling on the floor.

"I said, 'We're gonna make this happen, and you're gonna like it'," she continued. "But he wouldn't let me."

"Eventually, I said that I'd do my best," Jaune said. "You know, because I love her and shit."

"He did try," Pyrrha acknowledged. "He listened to me, I tried to coax him, I tried to butt whisper him."

"Were you like, 'Here comes the train!'?" Yang asked.

"I did my best," the blond knight defended. "But it just hurt. It was like if someone lit a fucking road flare and shoved it up your butt. I felt like I was going to die."

"Did you have sex at least?" Yang asked.

"No, we both just went to bed."

Definitely not what he had in mind that night.

 _ **A/N: This is honestly one of the weirder things I've written. I'm just gonna go get drunk now.**_


	26. Profit

_**A/N: Well, this one is back, and we're back with cable theft! I'm not saying you should do it. Just saying you CAN do it XD.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Profit***

 **RTAA: Stealin' Cable with Michael**

Sun hated one thing about in Vacuo. The price for some decent cable was way too expensive! It cost a boatload of lien per month!

His father was honorable and from Atlas, so he didn't dare resort to petty theft.

Sun's brother though…well, he was definitely a piece of shit.

He got his hands on a black box and stole cable.

As a teenager, Sun was able to watch all the pay-per-view channels, which were all movies, for free. He watched the newest movies three times a week, the lucky bastard.

And, he got to watch Spice TV. Nothing was better than a horny teenager and Spice TV. In one year, he easily doubled his dick size just from stretching it so much. Blake and Yang were very thankful for that.

Not to mention he had a great way to make money. He recorded Spice TV and sold them to his friends Neptune, Sage, and Scarlet. Soon, he started selling more of them to other people in school.

Neptune sold lollipops in school. Scarlet sold trading cards.

Sun had it made when he started selling stolen cable.

 _ **A/N: Again, not saying you should do this. Just letting you know that you can XD.**_


	27. Too Close

_**A/N: Well, here we are with more cable theft. I'm not telling you to do this XD.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Too Close***

 **RTAA: Stealin' Cable With Geoff**

When Taiyang and Qrow were youngsters in Beacon Academy, they had a problem getting good cable in their dorm. The channels they had…sucked, for lack of a better word.

So, Qrow got his hands on a black box and stole cable.

Taiyang and Qrow were sitting around in their dorm, watching stolen cable, when they heard a strange beeping noise from outside. _BEEP BEEP!_

The two looked at each other. "What the fuck was that?"

"Dunno."

They went back to watching TV, and they heard it again. _BEEP BEEP!_

Qrow got up from his chair and looked outside to see what it was. A man holding a strange device was outside, and it was beeping the closer he got to their dorm.

"Ah shit." Qrow, thinking fast, leapt towards the TV and unplugged it and the black box.

The beeping stopped, and the man furrowed his brow in confusion. "Huh. That's weird. Could've sworn someone was stealing cable from here…"

He left, and Qrow wiped a few beads of sweat from his face. "Holy shit…I can't believe that actually worked."

"Me neither," Taiyang agreed.

It was way too close for comfort.

 _ **A/N: Seriously, don't steal cable! XD It's funny to write, but for the love of Oum, if any of you get jailed for this, don't say you got the idea from a fanfiction.**_

 _ **Discord: C. Strife #5371**_


	28. Cop Blocked

_**A/N: Well, here with the next chapter XD. This one is based off of one of the many glorious stories from Podcast #398 with Blaine, Chris, Miles, and Barbara. Weird cast, but it was gut busting hysterical start to finish.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Cop Blocked***

 **RTAA: Make Out Misadventures**

Sun was hanging out with a girl he really liked late at night. He drove to a park, and the two of them started making out.

Both of them were really enjoying it, but then a light came shining in through the window. A fucking cop pulled up, and he glared at the two as he smacked on the window.

Sun and the girl broke apart really fast, trying to make it look like they weren't about to get down and dirty. "W-we're just talking, officer."

The cop raised an eyebrow at the hickeys left on Sun's exposed chest. It didn't buy it for a second. "The park closes at ten. You guys need to leave."

"Yes sir."

"Yeah, sure. Don't make me call your parents."

That was perfectly fine. He didn't have their number. Sun nodded anyway and drove off, smirking at the girl. "Don't worry; I know another park we can fool around in."

So, once they arrived at it, they continued what they were doing. The windows got a little steamy this time around from the intense kissing.

And sure enough, a flashlight comes through the window.

Sun rolled down the window to see who it was, and it was the same fucking cop.

He narrowed his eyes. "All the parks are closed. You need to leave!"

Sun groaned in exasperation and decided to just take the girl to his house. It was better than having some cop following him around cockblocking the shit out of him.

 _ **A/N: I swear, this podcast was one of the best. It was great watching one where Aunt Barbara and Uncle Miles were left alone with the kids XD**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	29. Bread Arguments

_**A/N: So, this one is from possibly the best argument I've heard on YouTube XD. Podcast #340, Michael, Lindsay, Kerr, and Mile arguing over which is better: cheddar biscuits or breadsticks?**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Bread Arguments***

 **RTAA: Biscuits or Breadsticks**

Sun, Ruby, Neptune, and Jaune were trying to find out which was better, breadsticks from an Italian chain restaurant, or the epic melted deliciousness that was the cheddar biscuits from the seafood place downtown in Vale.

Jaune, hailing from a classy family, insisted that the breadsticks were much better. Why? For one reason. They were simple to eat. "Breadsticks are better. You're telling me you like a treat that just crumbles around you and is difficult to eat?"

"No, I don't want bread beef jerky," Neptune replied evenly. "That's what they are, dude."

"Damn…" Sun chuckled at that.

"You tear that shit, and it hurts your tooth! It's hard!" Neptune continued.

"It hurts your teeth?" Jaune asked incredulously, snickering.

"Yes!" Neptune scowled. "They are sensitive! And the cheddar soothes me! Are you ninety years old? Biscuits, you can mush that right in! Breadsticks, you'll break your fucking neck!"

"You could breathe on a biscuit and it'll start to melt," Sun added. "The fucking breadsticks are like the dime-a-dozen whores—"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Jaune stood up to defend the almighty honor of his breadsticks.

"You flash some money, it gets in, and it doesn't matter which one gets in; they're all the same," Sun continued. "That's breadsticks. You get the cheddar biscuits, that's fuckin' exotic dude. That's like the Mistrali, you've got the Atlesian babe, the rough and tough Vacuo gal."

"Bullshit!" Jaune shouted.

"That's the biscuits. And they're better than breadsticks! I DON'T EVEN LIKE SEA FOOD, AND I'LL GO TO THAT PLACE JUST FOR THE FUCKING CHEDDAR BISCUITS, AND IF I'M GONNA GO THERE, YOU'RE GONNA GO THERE BECAUSE THEY'RE AMAZING!" Sun shouted. "YOU WILL NEVER GO TO THAT SHITTY PLACE JUST FOR THE FUCKING BREADSTICKS! YOUR ASS WILL BE WITH ME EVERY WEEK TO SHOVE THAT CHEDDAR DOWN YOUR FUCKING HOLE, AND YOU KNOW IT!"

Jaune wasn't even mad at losing the argument; he, Neptune, and Ruby were rolling around on the floor clutching their sides and howling with laughter.

Who knew Sun was so passionate about bread of all things?

 _ **A/N: I don't even like Red Lobster myself, but if I had to choose between their cheddar biscuits and Olive Garden's breadsticks, RL wins any day of the week.**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	30. Thief!

_**A/N: Well, it's been awhile. Here's chapter thirty xD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Thief!***

 **RTAA: El Pizza Bandido**

Sun and Jaune were sitting at a movie theater. They were both hungry, so they decided to order two pizzas. Sun ordered pepperoni, and Jaune got chicken and roasted red peppers.

The waiter brought them a pizza, and Sun immediately grabbed it. He took a bite, and he realized something.

It wasn't pepperoni. He was eating Jaune's pizza.

The monkey Faunus shrugged and continued. He didn't give a shit. It was still good pizza, after all.

About fifteen minutes later, Sun's pepperoni pizza came out.

Jaune looked at it, confused. He didn't order pepperoni. "Um, excuse me? I didn't order pepperoni."

The woman who delivered it looked at Sun munching away on Jaune's pizza, and then looked back at the blond knight. She let out an exasperated sigh and pointed to it. "Are you waiting for that one?"

Jaune nodded. "Yeah."

"He's eating your pizza. I'll go get you another one…"

Jaune's pizza came finally, and Jaune dove into it hungrily.

It was hard to watch a movie when he was starving. Sun was the ultimate pizza thief. Jaune didn't even know he stole it!

Not even when Sun went up to him. "Mmm, this pizza's so good!"

He didn't even offer him a slice of his own pizza! Cursed little thief…

 _ **A/N: And that's it! XD. I kinda needed to get back into this story, as it is really funny and one of the few I can end easily. See you soon!**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	31. Scary Dad

_**A/N: Here's another quick one for ya. Easy to type up before work XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Scary Dad***

 **RTAA: Ding Dong Ditchers**

Sun, Jaune, and Neptune had the perfect way to spend a night. Jaune had a crush on this really cute girl from Mistral, and they decided the best way for him to show his affections was to play a little Ding Dong Ditch.

After all, what's the worst that could happen? It was a harmless and fun game.

The three of them camped outside the girl's house at night, making sure to park a block down, and when they gave the sign, Neptune ran up and pressed the doorbell.

 _DING DONG!_

They ran across the street and chuckled in some bushes, snickering as the girl's dad came out. After five minutes, he closed the door and went back inside.

So, they did it again.

 _DING DONG!_

Cackling madly, they ran back to Jaune's car. They didn't want to risk hiding in the same spot again.

"Holy shit dude, that was great!" Sun grinned.

"Yeah! That was awesome!" Jaune laughed.

Their laughter died immediately when they heard a loud thunk on the car window. They all turned to see that someone was knocking on the window with a bat.

It was the fucking dad.

"My wife is a nurse," he said angrily, eyes narrowed. "She has to get up at five in the morning, and you fucking kids are ringing my goddamned doorbell…"

All three of them were in too much shock, their eyes wide with fear.

"Guys…let's never do this again…" Jaune shrank in his back seat. "Please."

Ding Dong Ditch turned out to be not as harmless as they thought.

 _ **A/N: If we're comparing Ding Dong Ditch stories, I've done a few XD. Bored and being in middle school make a disastrous combination XD. See you soon!**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	32. Dumb Medics

_**A/N: Another quick update here. XD I've found a bit more motivation for it come back recently. Shit happens.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Dumb Medics***

 **RTAA: Five Signs of Death**

Qrow once knew this guy who wanted to be a paramedic, but was just really stupid. Qrow genuinely feared for the life of anyone who was unfortunate enough to end up in his care.

So, he went to study.

When he came back, he began talking to Qrow about the 'five signs of death'. Qrow tried not to snicker. It sounded like a chart one would hand a child to make sure their dad is actually dead on not just having a power nap on the sofa.

"Hey man, if you want to be a paramedic, you have to know this," the guy replied.

Qrow decided to lend an ear and listen. He'd probably get a good laugh out of it, anyway.

"Okay, the first one is, 'head removed from the body'." Okay, that one was obvious. No head? Yeah, that fucker's dead.

"Second is, 'all burned up'. You know, like if they're all black." Qrow could kinda see the logic behind it, but the wording was awful.

"The third is, 'blood on the outside of the body'." Qrow nearly spat out his drink from laughing. Did he mean like he was bleeding heavily, or was all the blood just vacuumed out and stored in a giant jar?

Qrow couldn't remember what the last two were. Maybe it was 'x's for eyes' and 'tongue sticking out' or something.

Good lord this guy was the worst paramedic ever. Of all time.

 _ **A/N: XD I couldn't help it. I love this one too much. See you soon!**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	33. Failed Mugging

_**A/N: I admittedly was stuck on this one for a little bit. Here we are XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Failed Mugging***

 **RTAA: Mugged Miles**

Jaune was taking a nice leisurely stroll in the early morning in downtown Mistral to get a cup of coffee. No one was really out and about with how early it was, so Jaune decided to take a bit of a shortcut through a bit of a shady street.

A random guy in a hoodie made a beeline for him, and the blond grimaced. The poor guy was looking really disheveled and his jacket had rips and tears in it.

And was that…blood or something else stained on it?

He didn't want to know.

Jaune figured he would ask him for money or whatever.

"I'm so sorry to bother you," the guy said quietly. "This is real embarrassing, man. I'm not really from around here. But um…I got mugged last night."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Jaune flashed an apologetic smile.

"Yeah, it's real bad," the guy agreed. "I need some money to catch the bus, but all I got to sell is this knife. Think you can help me out with that?" True to his word, he pulled out a fucking knife.

Jaune's brain thankfully worked after five seconds of staring. "Nope sorry, only got a card!" And so he continued on his way.

As he did, he thought of something. "Golly gee, that guy put some weird emphasis on some words and then pulled a knife on me. Is he trying to mug me?"

If he was trying to mug the blond, he did a really shitty job at it.

Because Jaune walked away with a bit of a pip in his step.

 _ **A/N: Is it bad that I can see Jaune being this dense and it somehow saving his ass? XD. See you!**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	34. Almonds

_**A/N: Well, chapter 34 XD. This one is a good one to watch, as he's just such an idiot at times XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Almonds***

 **RTAA: Chris Stories**

Qrow found one thing he enjoyed about working next to Peter Port. The man may have been of an egotistical bastard, but he was endless entertainment.

One day, Qrow came in to see how Port was faring. The older man was currently eating a bunch a can of nuts, crunching loudly, and the birdman raised an eyebrow. "Hey, what are you eating?"

"Ah, walnuts," Port proclaimed loudly. He crunched down on another one, nodding in approval.

"Can I have one?" Qrow asked.

"Why, of course!" Port handed him a few, and Qrow popped them in his mouth and chewed.

He then noticed what the can label read. They weren't eating walnuts; instead, it was fucking almonds.

Qrow smirked and decided to fuck with him a little. "So, you prefer them to any other kind of nut?"

"Yes." Port nodded. "They are delicious."

Qrow was unable to contain his snickers, and he pointed to the label. "Do…do you know that what we're eating right now are almonds?"

Port's eyes positively bulged out of their sockets, and he looked at the can in confusion. "A-almonds?"

He narrowed his eyes, seething. "My nemesis…you and I meet again!"

Qrow smirked and decided to kick his feet back and enjoyed the carnage of Port shooting the can of almonds across the office.

Yep, working with Port was by far the best part of the day.

 _ **A/N: RTAAs….RTAAs everywhere XD. See you soon!**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	35. Gamer Hacks

_**A/N: Well, it's been a little while. Here's one of my favorite ones involving Michael.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Gamer Hacks***

 **RTAA: Resident A.I**

Ruby was playing a new zombie game she borrowed off of Yang, and she quite liked it. The main character Leon was a badass with a great set of hair and he was a really good shot, too.

However, there was one thing she hated about it.

Taking care of the idiot damsel in distress named Ashley the entire game. She was so stupid! She bumped into everything, and always got carried away!

However, after she complained about it to Sun (a fellow gamer), she found out that in reality, Ashley was one of the smarter A.I. characters in gaming.

Ruby found a button, that she soon labeled as her, 'Bitch (insert command)' button'. She used the button to tell her to go into the dumpster.

The zombies couldn't get her in the dumpster. Ruby killed everyone in the level, and then went and retrieved her!

Game hack!

Ruby cleared through the game within less than a day, now that she had her, 'Bitch, dumpster' button.

After playing enough of the game, she managed to unlock knight armor for Ashley. She went through the game on the hardest difficulty, hid in some bushes, and placed Ashley in the middle of town.

All the zombies tried picking her up, only to completely fall over. Ruby then ran out of the bushes, and to save ammo, stabbed them all to death.

She ran back in the bushes and waited for the next wave. It was so simple!

Ruby grinned after she stabbed a zombie in the chest with her knife. "Wow…Ashley, you're the best!"

All because of the, 'Bitch, dumpster' button.

 _ **A/N: Funnily enough, when I bought Resident Evil 4 for my PS4, I tried that exact tactic to see if it's legit…it does work pretty good XD**_

 _ **See you!**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	36. Raven Hates Vacuo

_**A/N: Sorry for the small delay. A few days ago I fucked up my wrist at work and it was pure agony trying to write. So to make up for it, I'll give you a double update for this today.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Raven Hates Vacuo***

 **RTAA: Gus Doesn't Wanna Go to Vegas**

Taiyang, Qrow, Raven, and Summer were all about to go on a road trip to a resort to the south of Vacuo. It was a nice tropical island with palm trees, sandy beaches, and plenty of beachside hotels filled with gorgeous women serving coconut cocktails.

Qrow was looking forward to it quite a bit.

Raven…not so much.

"Hey, do you guys want to go to Vacuo first to gamble?" Taiyang asked.

"I don't want to go," Raven grumbled. "Screw Vacuo."

"What's wrong with Vacuo?"

"I don't want to go to Vacuo! Let's just go to the damn resort already!"

"But Vacuo is nice. We can do almost anything," Qrow said.

"I swear to Oum, if you say Vacuo one more fucking time, I will jump out of this goddamn car," Raven threatened.

"Okay, chill Rae." Summer laughed and rubbed her partner's shoulder. "I promise none of us will speak of Vacuo again."

Raven snapped. Two little devil versions appeared on her shoulders, glaring at her. _"She's fucking testing you! She said she wouldn't say it, and she did!"_

" _If I don't leave, they'll know I'm a pussy. So I have to leave!"_

Raven got out, transformed into a bird, and flapped her little bird wings as fast as they could take her.

The rest of Team STRQ looked at each other, shrugged, and went to the resort to get their bags for the trip for Vacuo. When they got to their hotel, they all saw a note left on the bed.

 _See you assholes in Vale. Qrow, if you fuck my partner, I'm going to kill you. That goes double for you, Tai._

 _-Raven_

 _ **A/N: Part one complete. Part two will be up in a few hours :D**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	37. Spite Heiress

_**A/N: And here's number two for the day. Hope you enjoy one of Weiss going to the moon for no reason but spite xD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Spite Heiress***

 **RTAA: Gus on Mars**

Team RWBY were all sitting around their dorm when Blake read an article about a private company in Atlas that was looking for people to volunteer to go to the shattered moon and never return.

"I'd do it," Weiss said. "I'll gladly go."

"Please, Ice Queen." Yang rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "You say that kind of stuff all the time. 'I'm gonna stab myself'. You'll never stab yourself; you'll never go to the damn moon."

"I'll go just to spite you," Weiss said irritably. "That'll be my reason. Out of spite."

Ruby and Yang laughed at that. They could picture the heiress hiding out away from other people who wanted to go, giving Remnant the middle finger from space.

"You'd probably make tape lines inside the ship." Yang smirked. "Nope, this is mine. You can't come on my side. Fuck off."

"You'd get pictures of dust constantly!" Ruby giggled. "You'd be even more annoyed if you did leave."

Weiss only rolled her eyes and sighed.

If she had to choose between the moon and dealing with Ruby and Yang raiding her stash of coffee, she'd take the moon any day of the week for no reason but spite. She'd conquer it. That'll show 'em.

 _ **A/N: I can picture Weiss doing it, too. She'd conquer a distant planet for no reason other than to spite Yang XD**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	38. No Longer Homeless

_**A/N: Well, chapter 38. I hope you enjoy this one XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***No Longer Homeless***

 **RTAA: Homeless Depot**

Qrow Branwen was a man of many things. He was a veteran huntsman, a loving (if not sometimes annoying) uncle to two great kids, and a wooer of barmaids.

And now, he finally had a place to stay. Permanently.

He had bought an apartment once enough lien was in his pockets, and no longer did he have to stay at his office at work.

"Good job on finally getting a place, Qrow," Dr. Oobleck said with a smile, raising his glass of liquor at him. "You know, I always did wonder if you slept here at the office. Your hair would always be disheveled whenever I came in, and you were the only one around."

"Nah, that's just my hair." Qrow chuckled. "But in all seriousness, I no longer have to worry about that crap."

"You know, I'm all for someone sleeping at the office in case someone tries to rob us." Oobleck shrugged.

Taiyang snorted. "What, you think Qrow's going to kung fu them out? Great, not only do we have stolen equipment for our streaming, but now we have a dead employee."

"Hey, I can handle myself just fine."

"Bar fights don't count."

"The Homeless Ninja!" Qrow chuckled.

It was so nice to finally have a roof over his head.

 _ **A/N: I think the next one I'll do should be the Dolphin Experiment. Hmmm…but with who? XD**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	39. Fuck This

_**A/N: So, I was originally going to go with the Dolphin Experiment for this one. But, I didn't like it, so I scrapped it for this one. Drunk Gavin stories are always fucking hilarious.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Fuck This***

 **RTAA: Gavin's Drunken Shenanigans**

Taiyang was having a nice dream at a hotel when he got a phone call at two in the morning from Qrow. _'Qrow? What the hell is he doing?'_

Taiyang rubbed his eyes and answered the call. "Hello?"

The line was silent for a few seconds, but eventually Qrow answered with some sort of drunken gibberish that meant 'Come home and take care of me'.

"Oh for…" Taiyang rolled his eyes and got dressed to take care of his inebriated teammate. He hoped Qrow would be somewhat agreeable tonight.

When he got to the bar Qrow was at, he wanted to punch him. Qrow was fucking wasted. The guy was so drunk, he bought a sixty lien bottle of water and flung it at him. Taiyang was completely soaked with the first spray, so all Qrow was really doing was flailing an empty bottle at him.

Taiyang finally managed to get Qrow in bed, and he went down to the elevator thinking it was all over. But he heard some kind of tapping behind him, and when he went to turn around, Qrow was right fucking behind him in the elevator with a drunken grin on his face.

' _You know what? No. Fuck this. I'm done.'_ Taiyang hit all of the buttons on the elevator and left. Qrow tried to follow him, but the blond brawler decked the drunken huntsman hard in the stomach. He didn't have his aura up in his intoxicated state and he fell over with a groan of pain.

With his eyes little more than slits of irritation, Qrow pointed to the numbers. "Someone on one of these fucking floors will help you."

With those last words, Taiyang went to go impregnate someone again.

 _ **A/N: Ah, I love RT's drunk shenanigans. They're just hilarious xD**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	40. Dammit Raven

_**A/N: So, it's been awhile. That's honestly my fault lol. I've been neglecting my writing a lot lately, and for that I do apologize. Here's chapter 40.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Dammit Raven***

 **RTAA: Plane Stories**

Summer and Raven were going on a nice holiday to the south of Mistral in an attempt to be free of the craziness called Team STRQ. Taiyang and Qrow were currently in Vacuo checking out the local talent.

Their bags went through the conveyor belt to make sure they weren't carrying any suspicious items, and Raven's bag got pinged when it went through the scanner. The security officer looked at Raven suspiciously, her eyes narrowing.

"Ma'am, do you have anything in your bag I should know about?" she asked.

"No." Raven shrugged. "Not that I know of."

The woman goes through her bag and pulls out a small pocket knife.

"Oh. I didn't even know that was actually in there." Raven didn't look too concerned.

"It's fine." The security officer flagged her bag again, and sure enough the scanner went off again. She reached down and pulled out a second knife.

Summer wasn't sure whether to sigh in despair or punch her teammate. She settled for the former. "Oh, goddammit Raven. I'm honestly surprised you're not in jail for that."

The woman ought to be imprisoned. She tried to board a flight with two knives on her. Summer made a mental note to never fly anywhere with Raven if she could help it.

 _ **A/N: Well, only ten more left. Thank fuck.**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	41. Drunk Pilot

_**A/N: So, what lame ass excuse do I have this time? None, sadly lol. I had writers block for all of my fics as a whole thanks to some issues I have, but I think I'll be back full time soon. Hopefully. This is another one from Plane Stories that I didn't include in the last chapter.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Drunk Pilot***

 **RTAA: Plane Stories**

Qrow and Taiyang were flying home from a fantastic vacation in which the two of them got to see a concert and bang plenty of gorgeous women a night.

The flight wasn't too long, and recently Qrow had shared his discomfort about flying thanks to a news article about a pilot who had been busted for flying while in a state of severe intoxication. It was hard to believe the resident alcoholic of Team STRQ had a fear of someone else being drunk.

The flight went smoothly and without any kind of trouble, and Qrow and Tai were the last people to get off the plane. As they were approaching the exit, the pilot came out of his cabin to talk to one of the flight attendants with a huge cocktail in his hand.

When Qrow and the pilot made eye contact, the man froze like a deer in headlights.

He looked at his cocktail, and back to Qrow and Tai.

The two huntsmen burst out laughing and left.

To their knowledge, that pilot is still standing there.

 _ **A/N: I think the next one is gonna be Chris cooking naked. That seems like something I'd do while drunk.**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	42. Bad Movies

_**A/N: So, what's going on? A new chapter of this, for starters. Also, I am happy to announce that I have gotten a lot of shit taken care of, which means a lot more time to write :D**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Bad Movies***

 **RTAA: Disease Movie Theatre**

If there was one kind of movie that Sun enjoyed because of how shitty they were, it was the stupid epic disease type of movies. To him, they were just so fucking dull and predictable. He'd usually spend twenty or thirty minutes waiting for them to hurry up and get the fucking disease already.

They all started off the same way. Someone would start coughing, and they'd go to the doctor who'd write out the world's most useless prescription.

"Ah, it's just a cold. Go eat a fucking sandwich."

Then it would start to spread, until they ended up in some secret room in a council room where an advisor would tell the councilors that they were all fucked. "Mr. President, we're fucked."

"Shit, we have to get to the bunker!"

There was also a lot of banging on desks for some odd reason.

Eventually, the disease would spread until only a few survivors were left and they had to repopulate a dead planet.

Sun would usually leave the theatre satisfied. Only a few of them he actually hated with all his heart.

True to their name, they were epic.

Epically bad.

 _ **A/N: I gotta say, the early Blood Gulch Chronicles are perfect background noise for writing xD**_

 _ **C. Strife #5371**_


	43. Going Native

_**A/N: Here's chapter 43! We're nearing the end with each update, and this one is an RTAA that was pretty hilarious. I myself have only encountered this once in Minecraft, but I imagine someone else has too XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Going Native***

 **RTAA: Gav's Creeper Parents**

Team JNPR and Team RWBY were playing a game of Remnantcraft together when Jaune found something unusual. He found a Creeper that didn't want to hurt him; instead, it just stared at him without showing signs of blowing up at all. "Hey, guys? I found a friendly Creeper that doesn't want to kill me."

Yang looked around to see where Jaune was and she shook her head. "He is going to blow your dick off. Take a good look at all the shit you have. That's what you are going to lose."

"Nah. He's friendly!" Jaune insisted, taking a bone out of his inventory and waving it at the Creeper. "You want a bone?"

The Creeper just looked down briefly before completely ignoring the bone.

"Alright, it turns out he doesn't like bones." Jaune lowered his head in shame.

He started to walk away when he stumbled across two more Creepers. "What the hell…? Guys, I think I found my parents! Dad? Is that you?"

Yang and Blake snickered, the blonde grinning. "Alright. Jaune's gone native and been adopted by the locals."

Jaune went to get closer to the two Creepers when they suddenly detonated, creating a giant hole in the ground. "Ah! Well…there go my parents. They decided they didn't want me."

Don't worry, Jaune. You'll find them one day if you keep going native.

 _ **A/N: Seriously, has anyone else found a friendly Creeper in Minecraft? XD I haven't found one yet apart from like one time where this one just chilled with me at my fishing dock.**_

 _ **C. Strife#5371**_


	44. Shitball Theatre

_**A/N: So, two updates in a day? Fuck yeah I am! This is from Disease Movie Theatre since I forgot to put it in chapter 42, but fuck it. Just have some fun with a Taiyang rant XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Shitball Theatre***

 **RTAA: Disease Movie Theatre**

Taiyang and Qrow had just gotten back from watching a movie at a theatre in a tiny little shitball mall called the Dobie Theatre. When they say this theatre was god awful, they really meant it.

"Dude, that movie theatre fucking sucked. They had pillars in the middle of the fucking theatre!" Taiyang exclaimed.

"We also sat in a flat fucking room, too. There was no incline!" Qrow added. "So if someone sat directly in front of you or if you were ten rows behind them, they were still in the fucking way!"

"There are some theatres where the seats don't even face the fucking screen!"

"How did they never go out of business?"

"Because they suck dick," Taiyang said dryly, making his partner howl in laughter. "It's on their fucking logo. They suck dick so bad, they suck dick at sucking dick. Fuck this. Next time, we're going to an Imax theatre. I don't give a shit how expensive it is; we are never going back to that cocksucking piece of shit theatre. EVER."

If Taiyang had his way, he'd have burned it to the ground.

 _ **A/N: So, with only six chapters left, I think I can finish this before the summer ends. It'll be a huge weight off my shoulders, that's for sure. See you all soon!**_

 _ **C. Strife#5371**_


	45. Looking Good, Port

_**A/N: Chapter 45. This one is two separate stories, so we'll see part two in a little bit. Both stories are fucking hilarious, but this one always makes me chuckle. Plus it's time Port got back into the spotlight for one XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Looking Good, Port***

 **RTAA: Health Kick to the Balls**

Peter Port was a man who sometimes grew conscious of his appearance. His colleagues knew about it and never were surprised whenever the large man started to eat healthy instead of indulging on wine and meat pies.

There was always some girl checking him out at the register whenever he went shopping, and Port could practically hear her eyes rolling whenever she spoke to him. "So, eating healthy? Getting on a health kick or something?"

It was as if he was some fat slob or something.

He was none of those things. He was Peter Fucking Port, the slayer of evil and wooer of women! And as such, he had the perfect counter to her thinly disguised remark of how he obviously needed to go on a diet and how it would only last about two weeks.

"Actually, I've been on it for a few years," Port said with a smirk under his magnificent facial hair. "I used to weigh over three hundred pounds and now I'm down to this."

"Oh my God, really!?" the woman exclaimed. "You look amazing!"

Port found it hard to hide how smug he was. He went from a disgusting slob to a sexy chauffer guy, all with a few choice words.

He could look at himself in the mirror with confidence and pride later that night after he slept with the leader of the White Fang, Glynda, and Professor Arc. He made them all his bitches and crowned himself the new harem king of Beacon.

 _ **A/N: The last bit is a shoutout to blaiseingfire's Jaune's Pet Tiger fic, where Port becomes the bedroom god and nails Sienna, Glynda, and Professor Arc. Here's to you, mate! Now give me more Sienna on Jaune! XD**_

 _ **C. Strife#5371**_


	46. Frozen Mishap

_**A/N: So, here's part two of the health kick RTAA. In this one, Jaune gets hit in the dick by a frozen egg XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Frozen Mishap***

Jaune was walking around downtown Vale with his hands in his pockets whistling a cheerful tune while he took a nice morning jog. It was a pleasant summer day, with a few birds happily chirping. All was going well for Jaune.

And then it all went wrong within seconds.

His happy jog was ruined by some clown who decided to hit him in his most treasured spot. He hadn't expected to run into any trouble and didn't have his aura up, as he had been on morning jogs countless times before without incident.

But this time, some idiot was waiting for him and threw a frozen egg right at his crotch. Jaune screamed like a bitch when he was hit, falling in an instant while his assailant cackled and ran away.

At first, Jaune wondered why the fuck someone went through the trouble of freezing an egg just to throw it at him instead of using a rock.

Then he realized two things.

One, it fucking hurt.

Two, they could get away with it because the egg would thaw out.

Jaune closed his eyes and massaged his bruised manhood, using his free hand to message Pyrrha that he would need help.

He just prayed to whatever gods existed that she wouldn't laugh if she stumbled across his unconscious form with swollen testicles and a baby chicken walking around.

 _ **A/N: Poor Jaune. He's really our punching bag XD. Four more left, people!**_

 _ **C. Strife#5371**_


	47. Nearly Hung

_**A/N: So, here's chapter 47. With this completion of this one, we'll have only three chapters left. Ending it at Chapter 50 just so I don't have to constantly scroll through my documents to find them and can clear some space. Plus it'll open up some more free time, which I'm terribly short of.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Nearly Hung***

 **RTAA: When Kites Attack**

Taiyang and Yang were out at the park. He was going to teach her how to fly a kite, a perfectly safe and fun past time for a seven year old. It had a big spool and wide handles so she wouldn't let go.

Only problem? Qrow's influence had turned her into a bit of a little jackass and she let it go on purpose. "Uh oh, Dad. I let it go."

Taiyang rolled his eyes and set out after it as the kite flew away, the spool bouncing on the ground every few feet. The damn wind wasn't helping him at all.

He chased it full sprint all the way across the park and he eventually caught it.

How?

Some poor guy was playing a game of catch with his kids and the spool wrapped around his neck. The kite was still getting blown by the wind and yanking on his neck when Taiyang caught up to him and saved him.

That would have been bad if he didn't get to him in time. Taiyang finished unwrapping the string from his neck, his face red with embarrassment. "Sorry I almost hung you in front of your kids!"

He was so going to chew Qrow out later.

 _ **A/N: Gotta admit, that would be a really shitty way to die. 'Here lies the guy who was strangled by a runaway kite.' I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face at the funeral. I'm horrible XD**_

 _ **C. Strife#5371**_


	48. Dammit Yang

_**A/N: So, this one is inching ever so closer to completion. It'll be nice to knock one off for 2019 again. Think the only multi-chapter fic I completed this year was my Skyrim story back in February…yikes. After 2018 was such a good year for me completing shit, I admit I've been slacking.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Dammit Yang***

 **RTAA: Barbara's Bad Text**

Taiyang was happily minding his own business reading a juicy smut novel when he got a message from his daughter Yang. His scroll buzzed in his pocket and he took it out to see a picture of Yang with some blood on her head. Initially, he thought it was fake blood and didn't think anything of it. He knew how she liked to mess around.

But then she sent him a second message right after. _Help me._

Taiyang froze like a deer in headlights. The rational part of his brain was telling him that she was fine. But he still sent her three messages in quick succession. _What's that from?_

 _Hey, you messaged 'Help me', I just want to make sure everything is okay._

 _Yang? You there?_

She didn't respond.

So after five minutes he decides to call her scroll, only for it to go straight to voicemail. "Fuck."

He knew she was okay. No sane person would go through all the trouble of taking a picture of themselves and send it to someone instead of calling an ambulance or something. But he had to make sure.

So he decided to call one of Yang's friends, Sun. "Hey, Sun. Is Yang with you? She sent me some stupid text and hasn't responded. Just want to make sure she's okay and everything."

Taiyang heard laughter on the other end of the call and he sighed in exasperation. "Oh goddammit Yang."

One day, his daughter was going to drive him insane.

 _ **A/N: So, only two left. Been fun to do, but I really need the free time.**_

 _ **C. Strife#5371**_


	49. Scary Interview

_**A/N: So, to finish this off, I'm doing a double update today. Should be nice and fun, plus I can delete a bunch of documents XD**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Scary Interview***

 **RTAA: Aaron's Astrology Standoff**

Before getting hired as a teacher at Signal, Qrow had a really terrifying interview at a local company in Vale. The man in charge may have had a drug problem at one point that made him very excitable. In a bad way.

For his interview, Qrow was told to meet at a Mistrali restaurant at two in the afternoon.

When he arrived, it was closed. "What the fuck is happening?"

The manager poked his head out and looked at the drunk. "You're Qrow?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Bob's in the back." The man pointed.

Qrow followed him inside and the person doing the interview was at the end of a ten person booth. Qrow felt uneasy just looking at the man and his uneasiness increased when he opened his mouth.

"I know everything about you," he said. "Want to see?"

He pulled out a giant book and slid it over to him. Upon closer inspection, it was an astrology book and it was opened on Qrow's birthday. "I know everything. Now, why would I hire someone with these weaknesses? That's not good at all. Now turn to page 65. Read out the weaknesses to me."

"Disturbed, panicked, volatile," Qrow read.

The man grinned wildly at him. "Man, that guy seems like a real fucking nutjob, huh? Hehehe…"

Qrow took this as a sign to resign before he was even hired.

 _ **A/N: If I had an interview like that, I'd piss myself. And then leave immediately. Finale will be up in a few hours.**_

 _ **C. Strife#5371**_


	50. Sleep Mode Ren

_**A/N: So, the finale is here. This one is a funny one that never fails to make me cackle every time. It also makes me sad whenever I think about it.**_

 **RWBY Animated Adventures**

 _Summary: A collection of unrelated RWBY fics based off of the Rooster Teeth Animated Adventures._

 ***Sleep Mode Ren***

 **RTAA: Google Mind Tricks**

Jaune learned one thing about his friend and partner Ren. The man was like a machine. When he was awake, he was there to train, eat, and do classwork. Then, when he was done, he just powered down.

It was like he just went into sleep mode like a computer would.

Jaune and Nora would try to wake him up, but they never could.

One time, Jaune watched Ren actually do it in the middle of his chair. "I'm gonna go to sleep." And he just powered down in his chair.

Jaune was afraid that one day his friend would go to sleep and never wake up.

But Ren always did.

"You know, one day you're not going to wake up from that, Ren," Jaune said with a sigh as he read through the book on Remnant's history. "We're all worried that one day you'll go to sleep and never wake up. We'd be devastated."

"Don't worry about it, Jaune." Ren smiled. "Even if I did happen to die in my sleep, my legacy would be carried on by you guys."

"Now, let's finish that animation project for Professor Xiao Long before he gets mad at us for not working again."

 _ **A/N: And that's it. This is the end of the road for the RWBY Animated Adventures. Been over a year since I started and it's good to have it finished. Thank you all for reading!**_

 _ **-DPLxStrife**_

 _ **C. Strife#5371**_


End file.
